44 years

Tomorrow is my parents' anniversary. They have been together 10 years longer than I've been alive and that is amazing to me.

The sum of my world although influenced and impacted from events throughout history is only 34 years. It is virtually impossible for me to fully understand the commitment it must take to accomplish anything at all over a 44 year span. I can fathom it, I can grasp the idea of it, but not having done anything except managing to keep breathing for only 34 years, I cannot completely understand it.

My parents were young when they got married. Mum, I'm sorry, but I'm informing the whole known world (well, the 20 people who actually read this) of your age. My mum was only 20 years 6 months old when she said I do. My dad, 3 years her senior was graduated from university and a fresh made officer in the US army. He was being whisked off to Korea to serve here instead of in Vietnam and my mum wanted to join him, so they married.

What started as a fairly rushed relationship was cemented into a tight bond as they both struggled to survive in a post-civil war Korea. This country, well-developed now, was deep in the grips of poverty. No one knew English but they appreciated the US presence. And my parents had no idea what Korea was like before landing. This culture shock pushed them together to rely on each other and keep each other happy. It helped them discover who they really were and it is because of this that they were able to weather the coming storms.

My dad is a good, solid man. He is upright in his morals, deeply spiritual even if he doesn't strictly conform to standard religion, and honest. However, he is not perfect.

My mum is a beautiful, caring woman. She is deeply empathetic, understanding, patient and also deeply spiritual. Her honesty matches my fathers. However, she also is not perfect.

Growing up in the midwest in a lower class family, my father learned that men work hard for their families. They provide food and shelter for them. Men are the steadfast leaders of the family and they do not show their emotions because it is their place to be the strong ones. Men never hit women, never cheat on their wives, do not allow themselves to succumb to the base vices of alcohol or drugs. He also learned that women are supposed to nurture and care for the family, to cook the food that the men provide, to keep the children healthy and educated. And to listen to her husband for direction.

My mother grew up in a very strict family. She learned that women are supposed to be proper at all times. Appearances are essential and that one may have a problem, but she must never show it. She learned that she must always look up to other people because she will never be able to achieve greatness in herself.

My father's informal education led him to be the man he is today. It allowed him no other options than being a devout husband and father. He never strayed from his family and he never mislead. My mother's homeschooling led her to be a very sensitive and attentive of others. She never once made me feel unloved or even that her love for me ever wavered, even when I hurt her.

However, my dad's upbringing led him to more chauvinistic behavior and my mothers insecurities kept her from understanding her greatness. When I was young, they needed some time apart to help re-focus their love and to work on the issues that were wedging them apart. My dad took my two older brothers and moved to his own place about 10 minutes away. My sister and I stayed with my mother because we were too young and my mother needed us with her. It only took about 3 months for my parents to realize the love they still had for each other and that the issues they had with themselves could be worked out. My father stopped taking my mother for granted and began helping more around the house while my mother started understanding that she lived in no one's shadow.

After my father moved back in, their life together began anew. The father that I grew up with was not the man I described above. He was the man I know now and whom I hope to become. My mother is no longer the insecure child but now acknowledges her importance. The relationship that they have now is one of mutual understanding, respect, and love. I don't often get to see them together, but when I do, the love they have for each other emanates from them in waves that make their house a haven for me. They help each other in all things. My mum still cooks dinner for my dad and has it ready for him when he gets home, but that's because he's been at work and she's been at home. If my mum is busy, my dad doesn't mind making his own dinner and when he doesn't work, he has been known to whip up a batch of his famous spaghetti.

My parents have figured out how to make their relationship work, and not just work but bloom. What started out as a seed hastily planted has taken root and with a few twists has grown into a beautiful shade tree that provides all of us with it's beauty. Their roots are deep and firmly rooted while the kinks of their past have made the outline of their tree a more pleasant sight.

Because my parents have had trouble, worked through it, and grown together more solidly they have shown me and others how to make things work even when it is hard. My parents have been together for 44 years. It couldn't be easy all the time but the hard work has definitely paid off and now they love each other with the fierceness that comes from spending nearly all of their lives together, experiencing the same things and relying and supporting each other through thick and thin.

I do not believe that every marriage should last forever. Having entered into a nuptial contract before, I know that people sometimes make mistakes and really, really stupid decisions. However, some people were meant to be together and my parents are definitely in that category. Mum and Dad, thank you for working through everything. Dad, thank you for showing me what it is to be a good husband. Mum, thank you for showing me what Maya Angelou always tried to write. How a woman can still be nurturing and caring and take care of the family, but still possess her own spirit and power. To the two of you, I am appreciative of providing stability and direction in a world that doesn't always make that easy.

I love you guys, and Happy Anniversary.