So, sometime around the middle of September, Yoon mi started getting super tired, worn down, exhausted. She had been working from 9-7 Monday through Friday and from 9-5 on Saturdays.
Yoon mi often asks me, "so, do you want to have a baby, or not?" and my answer is always, "if you get pregnant, then yes, if you can't, then I'm ok. If it's meant to be, then so be it." I honestly meant that.
I've known couples who felt an absolute need to have a baby and they can't. This inability to reproduce causes a rift in their relationship and someone often blames the other, be it consciously or sub. When Yoon mi and I got married, I was fully aware that it is possible that she couldn't get pregnant. She was told previously that she wouldn't be able to, or that it would be extremely difficult and after two years of marriage, we didn't have any reason to believe the other doctors were wrong. We had made two life plans, one for if we had a baby and one for if we couldn't.
We had just started preparing our lives for the latter. This summer we took a rather expensive roadtrip all around the Pacific region of America, bought an expensive vacation package that will last the rest of our lives and we were about to start looking for a place to open a pharmacy and possibly a private English academy.
However, on September 26th, after I got home from swimming, Yoon mi was talking about how ill she was feeling and said, "what if I'm pregnant?" well, she's asked this a hundred times and I've answered it a hundred times the same way, "if you are, then you are. Do you think you are?" and she turned and went into the bathroom. She was in there for a short time and I went back to checking out my facebook page. The next thing I know, she opens the door, looks at me and says, "why did I make a joke?" I turned and looked at her and saw that she was holding something in her hand. Realization dawned on me like the morning sun warming the glaciers of Mt. Ranier in its pink and orange hues. I slid out of my chair, grabbed her around the waist and waltzed her around the room, the news working its way through us in our dance and bringing us even closer together. . .wait. No, that's wrong. Let me go back to after realization sunk in. I turned in my chair and looked at her and smoothly, romantically, idiotically said, "what?" So, she repeated herself and THEN realization dawned on me more like Egyptian sun at noon focused through a magnifying glass.
I can't remember exactly what was said, but I do know that I looked at the EPT and her and the EPT and her as my heart drum was beating the rhythm for flight of the bumblebee. The emotions that stormed through my body were more numerous than anything I can compare it too. The thoughts running through my brain that didn't make it out of my stammering lips consisted of things like, "what will we name it?" "should I call it, it?" "Where will we live?" "I thought this couldn't happen." "boy or girl?" "when did that happen?" "It's ok to call it, it, for now, it doesn't have a gender, yet." "My mum is really going to want us to move to the US, now." "I'm hungry." but what did come out of my mouth was, "Awesome!" It's funny how my brain was able to filter all the stupid stuff out and allow the one word that could best explain my feelings to escape unhindered.
Yoon mi asked me if I was happy and from that moment, I realized that what I had said earlier about not really caring if we had a baby were words from an inexperienced boy. How could I ever, EVER, not want to have a baby with this amazing woman? Of course I was happy, I was happier than I've ever been in my life. My wife is going to have our baby. I'm going to be a dad. I'm going to be the father of this human being who will depend on me like I depended on my father. I can only hope that I will be as good as he.
We went to the doctor and had an ultrasound the next day. It was mind-blowing to see this living creature inside my wife, even if it is only the size of a b.b.
Since then, I've become a semi-pro on diapers and baby furniture. My wife has had to completely change her daily routine of coffee in the morning, spicy food all day, possibly a beer in the evening. I've had to contemplate my future more than I've ever had to in the future.
We went to the doctor last Friday and for the first time, I could see my baby and actually recognize it as a human being. Amazingly, I could see its feet and hands. It touched its face and was moving quite a bit. I'm going to try to post the video on here. It's pretty long, but for me, it's priceless!
edit: unfortunately, the files on the disc are something I don't recognize and trying to figure it out in English is hard enough, but in Korean its impossible. sorry. take my word for it, its amazing!
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