July of 2012. That was the last time I wrote anything in here. I remember it very well. We had a new born baby. I was finishing up my last couple days at the middle school and I started looking for temporary gigs while we waited for YoonMi's immigration to go through. We were packing up everything we owned, selling it off, giving it away, or shipping it stateside. Knowing that she would be approved and then we would have a very short time to actually leave the country, we were trying to be as prepared as possible. The last post I wrote was about the day I became a father. Since then, we moved to Seattle, then to Mexico North. My wife got pregnant again, but I don't remember the day she told me. Not like I remember when we discovered Cameron was growing. Probably because I didn't write it down in here. I remember the absolute garbage of an apartment we lived in. Man, it was atrocious. Then we moved to Austin and it was like a ray of sunshine finally broke through the gloom of Kingsville. Will was born. November 12, 2014. It was a SUPER cold day. It was right in the middle of my super busy season but I took the whole day off. My phone was ringing like crazy, but I was totally focused on YoonMi. she had to have another C-section. This time, I got to be in the room when they were operating. My wife was awake, so she got to keep her wits about her. I remember looking over the little divider cloth they had up and saw her OB-Gyn get up onto my wife's belly and push my little baby out of a tiny slit in her gut. She said, "oh, yeah, there was no way he was coming out naturally." and then there he was. Perfect, the tops and lobes of his ears stuck out, almost perpendicular to his head. His feet and scrotum were so purple they were nearly black and he was white with the vernix. They took him out, wrapped him up and gave them to Yoonmi to hold for just a minute. It was wonderful, then they took him away and did all the stuff they had to do while they stitched up my wife. Now that I think about it, I never saw them doing that; I was so absorbed in Will.
We moved out of Austin after 2 years and down to the New Braunfels area. This place is wonderful. Small town, close to everything, great vibe to the place. If we have to live in Texas, this is probably where we'll stay.
It has been five years and 4 months since I wrote anything here. Partly because I couldn't find my way back here! Thankfully, I saw a memory on facebook that brought me back. maybe I can keep writing in here. But for now, I've gotta get back to work, it's open-enrollment and I'm swamped. Also, Yoonmi is in school for dental hygiene and I am helping her with her English and Psych work. Oh, there's also the translation crosschecking work to do, too. I really hope I can keep this going, this time. Hope you guys come back and read with me.
See you soon!
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Monday, July 2, 2012
Your birthday
Dear Cash,
You turn 6 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe that it has been that long since I became your father. This time has flown by like nothing I've ever known. With learning how to be a father, working, and trying to spend time with you, your mom, and your nana, I haven't had time to write anything in here for quite sometime.
I want to tell you about the day you were born.
You were overdue. Not too late, but you were getting too big. We were worried that your head was going to be too big for your mom to be able to deliver you naturally. Papa and Nana flew all the way over to Korea to be able to see you in person as soon as possible. On Monday, May 21st (your cousin Cooper's birthday) we packed 엄마's bag, got in the car and I drove to the birthing center. We were so ready to have you join us. The doctor put your mom on an iv drip that helped her start her labor. Pretty soon, the labor started. We were so excited the first time the labor started. We were ready to spend hours waiting for you to come and the pain wasn't nearly as bad as we thought it would be. When the doctor gave his first examination, she was already beginning dilating. She was only at 1cm but it was something! However, as the hours wore on and on, the contractions didn't seem to change. The doctor came back and said you hadn't moved down at all and that your mom was still at 1 cm. After 12 hours of contractions, there was no change. But, that can happen sometimes. So, 엄마 tried to send me home, but I refused. Instead, I laid down on a tiny little mattress that was about 1.5 feet too short for me and I let my legs dangle off the end and slept with one eye open. I was so ready for your mom to tell me that the contractions had changed and that she thought she was ready to push. However, the next morning at 6am, the nurses came in and checked on your mom. Nothing had changed. We had now been in the hospital for 19 hours and she was still only at 1cm. When the doctor came at around 10am, he told us the possibility of your head being too big to move down was pretty high and we could keep waiting if we wanted to. However, we were tired of waiting and if your head was too big, we would eventually have to have surgery. So, we decided to go in and get you out via c-section.
At 11:30, Uncle Nick took Nana and Papa out for lunch with a promise of bringing me something to eat. We had scheduled the surgery for 12:30. However, at 12:10 the nurses started preparing your mother for surgery saying that they were going to operate at 12:15 instead, Nana and Papa hadn't come back yet! So, when your mom was in getting ready, I was left outside pacing back and forth. Finally, at 12:12 they showed up and I told them that your mom was getting ready for a 12:15 operation. I sat on the sofa waiting with Nana and Papa and at 12:18 Nana's eyes got really big and she waved at me to stand up. With heart in my throat I jumped up and looked through the doors and watched as the nurse brought out a bundle of blankets so thick that it looked like a sleeping bag, but I knew what that meant. I can never forget how I felt as I watched her come and hold you out so that I could hold you in my arms and look down at your wrinkly, waxy, orange face. You were screaming so hard. I couldn't say anything, I could just look at you and get my heart back into my chest. With my arms around you, and your lungs developing VERY well, I finally found my voice. "Cameron" I said. "Cameron, it's me, your daddy." Instantly, you stopped crying. It was magical. You knew my voice from the times I talked to you when you were inside your mommy. I wanted to keep holding you, but you needed a shot so that you could breastfeed and they needed to weigh you and measure you.
Now, I was lost. I wanted to storm into that back room and hold you more, I wanted to go see your mommy, I could do neither. So, instead I sat back down on the sofa, looked at Nana and Papa as Uncle Nick put some KFC into my hand and I began to eat my lunch. I don't remember what it tasted like, it didn't matter, I still had the sharp, sour, beautiful smell of my son in my mouth, I could hear you wailing in discomfort as you dealt with the fact that you were ripped away from everything you knew, taken from the only two people you ever had a connection with and then poked and scrubbed and who knows what else. After pacing in and out of the labor rooms and trying to get a glimpse of your mom through the operating room doors, I finally got to see your mom. The doctor and three other guys carried your mom on a sheet through the swinging doors and into the recovery room. They seemed surprised to see me but told me I can see her.
As soon as they laid her down, I was at her side. She was put under complete anesthesia instead of a local, so she was still asleep. However, after about a minute she began waking up. I grabbed her hand and the first thing I could say was "he's beautiful. Baby, he's beautiful." When your mom could get some words together, she asked me, "did you get to hold him?" "yes," I said. "Is he pretty?" she queried, "He's beautiful, he has a low voice and he's gorgeous." Because of the anesthesia, she asked me several questions over and over again but the most important question was "did you get to hold him?" I was so happy that I was able to hold you, even if it was just a little bit. About 30 minutes later your mom was awake enough that they could bring you in so she could see you for the first time. The look on her face was another thing I'm never going to forget. She was still drugged, her breath smelled like anesthesia, and her smile and eyes were trying to fight against that numbness left in her. But she was delighted to see you. If you don't know, your mother has so much love in her. All that love was throwing itself at you through that drugged visage. She kept repeating the same thing over and over again.
"he's beautiful, so beautiful, our son is so beautiful"
You turn 6 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe that it has been that long since I became your father. This time has flown by like nothing I've ever known. With learning how to be a father, working, and trying to spend time with you, your mom, and your nana, I haven't had time to write anything in here for quite sometime.
I want to tell you about the day you were born.
You were overdue. Not too late, but you were getting too big. We were worried that your head was going to be too big for your mom to be able to deliver you naturally. Papa and Nana flew all the way over to Korea to be able to see you in person as soon as possible. On Monday, May 21st (your cousin Cooper's birthday) we packed 엄마's bag, got in the car and I drove to the birthing center. We were so ready to have you join us. The doctor put your mom on an iv drip that helped her start her labor. Pretty soon, the labor started. We were so excited the first time the labor started. We were ready to spend hours waiting for you to come and the pain wasn't nearly as bad as we thought it would be. When the doctor gave his first examination, she was already beginning dilating. She was only at 1cm but it was something! However, as the hours wore on and on, the contractions didn't seem to change. The doctor came back and said you hadn't moved down at all and that your mom was still at 1 cm. After 12 hours of contractions, there was no change. But, that can happen sometimes. So, 엄마 tried to send me home, but I refused. Instead, I laid down on a tiny little mattress that was about 1.5 feet too short for me and I let my legs dangle off the end and slept with one eye open. I was so ready for your mom to tell me that the contractions had changed and that she thought she was ready to push. However, the next morning at 6am, the nurses came in and checked on your mom. Nothing had changed. We had now been in the hospital for 19 hours and she was still only at 1cm. When the doctor came at around 10am, he told us the possibility of your head being too big to move down was pretty high and we could keep waiting if we wanted to. However, we were tired of waiting and if your head was too big, we would eventually have to have surgery. So, we decided to go in and get you out via c-section.
At 11:30, Uncle Nick took Nana and Papa out for lunch with a promise of bringing me something to eat. We had scheduled the surgery for 12:30. However, at 12:10 the nurses started preparing your mother for surgery saying that they were going to operate at 12:15 instead, Nana and Papa hadn't come back yet! So, when your mom was in getting ready, I was left outside pacing back and forth. Finally, at 12:12 they showed up and I told them that your mom was getting ready for a 12:15 operation. I sat on the sofa waiting with Nana and Papa and at 12:18 Nana's eyes got really big and she waved at me to stand up. With heart in my throat I jumped up and looked through the doors and watched as the nurse brought out a bundle of blankets so thick that it looked like a sleeping bag, but I knew what that meant. I can never forget how I felt as I watched her come and hold you out so that I could hold you in my arms and look down at your wrinkly, waxy, orange face. You were screaming so hard. I couldn't say anything, I could just look at you and get my heart back into my chest. With my arms around you, and your lungs developing VERY well, I finally found my voice. "Cameron" I said. "Cameron, it's me, your daddy." Instantly, you stopped crying. It was magical. You knew my voice from the times I talked to you when you were inside your mommy. I wanted to keep holding you, but you needed a shot so that you could breastfeed and they needed to weigh you and measure you.
Now, I was lost. I wanted to storm into that back room and hold you more, I wanted to go see your mommy, I could do neither. So, instead I sat back down on the sofa, looked at Nana and Papa as Uncle Nick put some KFC into my hand and I began to eat my lunch. I don't remember what it tasted like, it didn't matter, I still had the sharp, sour, beautiful smell of my son in my mouth, I could hear you wailing in discomfort as you dealt with the fact that you were ripped away from everything you knew, taken from the only two people you ever had a connection with and then poked and scrubbed and who knows what else. After pacing in and out of the labor rooms and trying to get a glimpse of your mom through the operating room doors, I finally got to see your mom. The doctor and three other guys carried your mom on a sheet through the swinging doors and into the recovery room. They seemed surprised to see me but told me I can see her.
As soon as they laid her down, I was at her side. She was put under complete anesthesia instead of a local, so she was still asleep. However, after about a minute she began waking up. I grabbed her hand and the first thing I could say was "he's beautiful. Baby, he's beautiful." When your mom could get some words together, she asked me, "did you get to hold him?" "yes," I said. "Is he pretty?" she queried, "He's beautiful, he has a low voice and he's gorgeous." Because of the anesthesia, she asked me several questions over and over again but the most important question was "did you get to hold him?" I was so happy that I was able to hold you, even if it was just a little bit. About 30 minutes later your mom was awake enough that they could bring you in so she could see you for the first time. The look on her face was another thing I'm never going to forget. She was still drugged, her breath smelled like anesthesia, and her smile and eyes were trying to fight against that numbness left in her. But she was delighted to see you. If you don't know, your mother has so much love in her. All that love was throwing itself at you through that drugged visage. She kept repeating the same thing over and over again.
"he's beautiful, so beautiful, our son is so beautiful"
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
One month
My dearest Cameron,
Today is April 17, 2012. 7 months ago our doctor told us that we were going to have a baby around May 17th. We were so excited. Elated. Ecstatic. We thought that we couldn't have any children and had begun preparing for a life with no children. May 17th seemed so far away and now it is only one month away. You have been an ideal baby. Your mother barely had any morning sickness and although she is tired, she has had very few problems.
Everyday she calls me over to her when you are active and I talk to you. Whenever you hear my voice you kick or punch right near my mouth and I can see her stomach moving and I feel you. It is such an awesome thing to know that you are in there making some room and responding to my voice. I can't wait to see you, to hold you, to listen to you coo and cry, to smell your skin and play with your little feet and hands.
I can't help but think about your future. What sports will you like? Will you be artistic? Scientific? Intelligent? Funny? Will you be a musician or will you be a good football player? I wonder how tall you're going to be, what your sense of humor will be like, and what kind of music you'll be into.
I worry about my own ability to raise you. Then, I just think, when you already love something that you've never met, how can you be a bad parent. I know that I'm always going to be interested in everything that you do and tell me. When you are 4 years old and are repeating the same joke for the 50th time, I'll still laugh. I will always love you. I know that you will do things that you think will make me angry or disappointed. But I will always love you and will always be there for you.
When you are 16 and you steal our car to go hang out with your friends, I will still love you. Sure, I'll be angry, furious maybe, but I will never hurt you and I will always love you. When you go off to university and you do poorly in class because you were sidetracked by life, I'll be there to help you get back on the right path.
You still have a month of growing before you come into the light, but I am finding it harder and harder to wait for you. Every year at Christmas, I would look longingly at the presents beneath the tree, find those that were mine and wonder what each little package contained. I would fantasize that maybe this one held that toy truck I wanted or the books that were really popular. I never opened the packages early because the waiting made the opening that much better. When Christmas morning came around, I was a giddy little boy. I still am. I am looking at the greatest present I have ever received and I am a giddy little boy. I'm waiting Cameron, I'm waiting for my own personal Christmas, your birthday.
Come when you're ready, but don't take too long!
Love,
Your Dad
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
My winter vacation
It's that time of the year again. The time when I flee the school and stay as far away as possible for 3 weeks. This year, our vacation didn't actually start until Dec. 29th but because my back was so messed up, the school decided that I wasn't going to have to do a winter camp. Thank science for that! It's so much work for such an awkward event.
Every year, this is the time that as soon as school finishes I race home, grab my wife and my suitcase and catch the first bus to the airport. I usually try to get out of the country within 12 hours of walking out of my office. Sooner if I can get a better flight.
This year, however, we are trying something different. I'm taking my vacation in my living room. bah, this sucks. Every year, we get to leave the confines of this xenophobic peninsula where every city looks like every other city and the cultural events and sites are the same from province to province. We escape the 0 degree cold and usually head to the palm trees and beaches of SE asia. This is in Krabi, Thailand, exactly one year ago to the day.
Now, I get to look at this.
But, because its currently -4 degrees outside, I'm spending more time playing stupid facebook games and reading about all the other foreign teachers' SE Asia vacations. Currently, I believe I know 3 people in Singapore, 2 in Malaysia, 6 in Thailand, 1 in Vietnam and then of course I know 3 people who live in Burma (Myanmar) but they don't count. Nick is going to Thailand in a week and a half and Kendall and Leslie are heading there on the 25th.
Now, I'm not saying I'm jealous, but the next time I hear about someone laying on the beach and playing with monkeys or elephants and eating some authentic Thai food I'm probably going to take their papaya salad and shove it in their ears until it comes out their mouths.
Everytime I start thinking, "man, I know I have money in my bank, I know that Yoon mi and I can take a short trip to Vietnam, or maybe Taiwan. . ." I just remind myself that the money it would cost for the two of us to get to the airport, fly, live in a hotel for a week, eat out, fly back, and bus back to town could also go toward living expenses so that the mother of my baby can stay at home that much longer with our child.
So, maybe I really want to go somewhere sunny. Maybe I want to eat something other than Korean food (I think I just thought of a new post). Maybe I want to go somewhere that doesn't have the same thing to see wherever I go. Maybe I need a break from Korea. However, none of that matters when it comes to providing my kid with the love and care that only my wife can provide with the money that we can save.
So, I'm off now to go for a hike in the valley.
Every year, this is the time that as soon as school finishes I race home, grab my wife and my suitcase and catch the first bus to the airport. I usually try to get out of the country within 12 hours of walking out of my office. Sooner if I can get a better flight.
This year, however, we are trying something different. I'm taking my vacation in my living room. bah, this sucks. Every year, we get to leave the confines of this xenophobic peninsula where every city looks like every other city and the cultural events and sites are the same from province to province. We escape the 0 degree cold and usually head to the palm trees and beaches of SE asia. This is in Krabi, Thailand, exactly one year ago to the day.
Now, I get to look at this.
But, because its currently -4 degrees outside, I'm spending more time playing stupid facebook games and reading about all the other foreign teachers' SE Asia vacations. Currently, I believe I know 3 people in Singapore, 2 in Malaysia, 6 in Thailand, 1 in Vietnam and then of course I know 3 people who live in Burma (Myanmar) but they don't count. Nick is going to Thailand in a week and a half and Kendall and Leslie are heading there on the 25th.
Now, I'm not saying I'm jealous, but the next time I hear about someone laying on the beach and playing with monkeys or elephants and eating some authentic Thai food I'm probably going to take their papaya salad and shove it in their ears until it comes out their mouths.
Everytime I start thinking, "man, I know I have money in my bank, I know that Yoon mi and I can take a short trip to Vietnam, or maybe Taiwan. . ." I just remind myself that the money it would cost for the two of us to get to the airport, fly, live in a hotel for a week, eat out, fly back, and bus back to town could also go toward living expenses so that the mother of my baby can stay at home that much longer with our child.
So, maybe I really want to go somewhere sunny. Maybe I want to eat something other than Korean food (I think I just thought of a new post). Maybe I want to go somewhere that doesn't have the same thing to see wherever I go. Maybe I need a break from Korea. However, none of that matters when it comes to providing my kid with the love and care that only my wife can provide with the money that we can save.
So, I'm off now to go for a hike in the valley.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
In the Flesh
I've been on winter vacation for a week. During that time, I've accomplished several things. I've managed to make several wooden planks, quite a few stone blocks, I've planted and harvested multiple crops and built several buildings. Oh, but in the real world I drank a few cups of coffee, watched some X-Files, did some shopping, went to the sauna and slept. I was going stir crazy and my plans to go to an island in the southern part of the country to visit a friend fell through as he's busy with Samsung's payroll and taxes. So, I called up an old friend of mine, a new friend of mine and Nick and went to Seoul. Nick had to work (sucker!) so he wouldn't be able to come up until later. Eric (the old friend) had winter camp so I decided to head up early and join him. My bus arrived at 12:30 in central Seoul. I walked through the station and headed out to the subway entrance. I was a bit preoccupied with my phone so I passed the entrance and was halfway to the inner city bus stop when I looked up and noticed a small gathering of people which usually indicates someone famous being present.
Oh, hold on.
There is a show that has been playing here since I got here. It is really fun and instead of going into the whole premise of the show, I'm going to use my mad blog skillz and hyperlink it. The show is called 무한도전 pronounced moo han doh jun. It means Infinite Challenge. This is the only Korean show that I can handle watching on a regular basis because it's not corny, the actors aren't extremely annoying and it has a lot of action (not usually cornball slapstick). Throughout the years, I have come to understand that nearly everyone I know (Koreans) watches this show. I have come to find the styles of 2 of the members to be the most entertaining. The first is yoo jae suk. He's the leader of the group and pretty funny. He is also a really nice guy and I'd guess that he is the most popular entertainer in Korea probably of all time. It seems that everyone loves him and everything he touches is successful. He's my second favorite entertainer. The other (and by far my favorite) is a guy named Noh Hong Cheol (<---Hyperlinkability!) (read the links please, I'm not just doing it to show my amazing editing skills).
Ok, back to what I was saying before. I passed the subway and saw a gathering. Before I got there, I remember thinking, I wonder if it could possibly be a muhan dojeon filming. As I was looking over to see what was going on, I caught a glimpse of a tall Korean with a goatee. Instantly I realized what I was seeing. There in front of me, 10 feet away was my favorite Korean entertainer. Standing in front of some odd food truck was Noh Hong Cheol (he also sang this song as part of his show, its called "shake it"). After trying to take a couple pics but getting blocked by the producers several times, I decided to head over to the side where there was a considerable lack of people. Now, I was 3 feet away from him and he was taking a short break while the director was working with his new co-host for his new show. I called out his name and when he turned around I put my thumb up, extended my arm and said, "you're the best". He did a double take when he saw that I wasn't a Korean and gave me a huge smile, he came over and shook my hand and we shared a little bro hug.
He started talking to me and instantly I had 5 cameras surrounding me. They were not going to miss the chance to film him speaking with a foreigner! I quickly realized that his English really is SERIOUSLY lacking. So, I spoke with him mostly in Korean because my Korean is better than his English. . .that's bad! He asked me where I was from and was surprised when I told him I knew who he was and that I watch his other show every week. He and his co-host (some guy who was in a boy band a little while ago that I don't know) explained to me that this new show is selling food for donations that go to some sort of charity. They wanted me to buy the first round of food. I was a little hungry and I am a ham for attention, since they were going to put me on tv, I agreed. Instead of just going up and grabbing some food, they made a huge show of it and No Hong Cheol made me address the crowd through a megaphone and introduce myself. With cameras 2 inches from my face, I said the only thing I could think of in Korean. "My name is (Korean name) I am American." well, it worked. I bought my food and walked away allowing them to get on with the show. It should air Friday the 13th at midnight thirty on MBN.
The rest of my trip was awesome and I am happy I was able to hang out, drink a couple good drinks, eat some amazing food, more importantly meet up with some good friends and wake up feeling good so that I could get on the bus and come back to my beautiful pregnant wife.
I wasn't sure if I was going to go to Seoul this weekend because I didn't have a specific goal in mind, but man, I am HAPPY I went. What a weird experience. Hope it happens again!
Oh, hold on.
There is a show that has been playing here since I got here. It is really fun and instead of going into the whole premise of the show, I'm going to use my mad blog skillz and hyperlink it. The show is called 무한도전 pronounced moo han doh jun. It means Infinite Challenge. This is the only Korean show that I can handle watching on a regular basis because it's not corny, the actors aren't extremely annoying and it has a lot of action (not usually cornball slapstick). Throughout the years, I have come to understand that nearly everyone I know (Koreans) watches this show. I have come to find the styles of 2 of the members to be the most entertaining. The first is yoo jae suk. He's the leader of the group and pretty funny. He is also a really nice guy and I'd guess that he is the most popular entertainer in Korea probably of all time. It seems that everyone loves him and everything he touches is successful. He's my second favorite entertainer. The other (and by far my favorite) is a guy named Noh Hong Cheol (<---Hyperlinkability!) (read the links please, I'm not just doing it to show my amazing editing skills).
Ok, back to what I was saying before. I passed the subway and saw a gathering. Before I got there, I remember thinking, I wonder if it could possibly be a muhan dojeon filming. As I was looking over to see what was going on, I caught a glimpse of a tall Korean with a goatee. Instantly I realized what I was seeing. There in front of me, 10 feet away was my favorite Korean entertainer. Standing in front of some odd food truck was Noh Hong Cheol (he also sang this song as part of his show, its called "shake it"). After trying to take a couple pics but getting blocked by the producers several times, I decided to head over to the side where there was a considerable lack of people. Now, I was 3 feet away from him and he was taking a short break while the director was working with his new co-host for his new show. I called out his name and when he turned around I put my thumb up, extended my arm and said, "you're the best". He did a double take when he saw that I wasn't a Korean and gave me a huge smile, he came over and shook my hand and we shared a little bro hug.
He started talking to me and instantly I had 5 cameras surrounding me. They were not going to miss the chance to film him speaking with a foreigner! I quickly realized that his English really is SERIOUSLY lacking. So, I spoke with him mostly in Korean because my Korean is better than his English. . .that's bad! He asked me where I was from and was surprised when I told him I knew who he was and that I watch his other show every week. He and his co-host (some guy who was in a boy band a little while ago that I don't know) explained to me that this new show is selling food for donations that go to some sort of charity. They wanted me to buy the first round of food. I was a little hungry and I am a ham for attention, since they were going to put me on tv, I agreed. Instead of just going up and grabbing some food, they made a huge show of it and No Hong Cheol made me address the crowd through a megaphone and introduce myself. With cameras 2 inches from my face, I said the only thing I could think of in Korean. "My name is (Korean name) I am American." well, it worked. I bought my food and walked away allowing them to get on with the show. It should air Friday the 13th at midnight thirty on MBN.
The rest of my trip was awesome and I am happy I was able to hang out, drink a couple good drinks, eat some amazing food, more importantly meet up with some good friends and wake up feeling good so that I could get on the bus and come back to my beautiful pregnant wife.
I wasn't sure if I was going to go to Seoul this weekend because I didn't have a specific goal in mind, but man, I am HAPPY I went. What a weird experience. Hope it happens again!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Final New Years?
It's approaching the end of the year, nearly every radio station manager has forced their top DJs to compile their lists of 2011's top songs, the news stations have compiled and aired their best and worst moments of the year and everyone is trying to come up with their new year's resolutions. And I find myself looking at the new year as possibly being the last year in human existence.
I don't really believe in the supernatural, I don't believe that there are outside entities watching or controlling our lives. I don't believe that there is anything that has shaped our existence except for the ever powerful forces of nature. However, I still find myself looking at the Mayan Long Count calendar and how people have assigned the end of our world to the end of this calendar designed by a civilization hundreds of years virtually extinct.
The Mayan calendar appears to end on our standard calendar on December 21, 2012. Movies, books and word of mouth have turned this date into a fearsome time. I put as much stock in this theory as I do in the idea that four horsemen are going to find four corners on a sphere and wreak havoc on the entire population through magic. The Mayans were very in tune with the cosmos and were able to figure out some complicated principles with rudimentary knowledge and tools and decided to make their own life easier by forecasting the future stages of the moon and sun and stars. Why did they end it when they did? I generally think that their scholars felt that they went far enough into the future that they didn't need to continue. It was far enough in advance for them that if they were wrong, they would be long dead. It was far enough in advance that the people around them didn't have to worry but it gave a sense of impending doom which is always useful in controlling the masses.
In the 1950's before computers and such, if the American government decided to make a calendar, they would've planned it far enough in advance that they could plan their future goals and know with precision when they planned on finishing their projects. Whatever random day they decided to stop counting, would we consider it the end of the world? Probably not, the American government, although sneaky and conniving is far from mysterious, unlike the Mayans.
So, as we look at the upcoming 2012, I look at December 22 as the day that comes after the 21st. But there is still a little sense of mystery in it. It will be interesting to see the hype that gets built up over the next 350 days and how the world deals with it.
Those of you in the States, if you are really concerned when you wake up on the 21st, just look on facebook or on here and I'll confirm to you that it passed without any problems since it will already be the 22nd for me.
I don't really believe in the supernatural, I don't believe that there are outside entities watching or controlling our lives. I don't believe that there is anything that has shaped our existence except for the ever powerful forces of nature. However, I still find myself looking at the Mayan Long Count calendar and how people have assigned the end of our world to the end of this calendar designed by a civilization hundreds of years virtually extinct.
The Mayan calendar appears to end on our standard calendar on December 21, 2012. Movies, books and word of mouth have turned this date into a fearsome time. I put as much stock in this theory as I do in the idea that four horsemen are going to find four corners on a sphere and wreak havoc on the entire population through magic. The Mayans were very in tune with the cosmos and were able to figure out some complicated principles with rudimentary knowledge and tools and decided to make their own life easier by forecasting the future stages of the moon and sun and stars. Why did they end it when they did? I generally think that their scholars felt that they went far enough into the future that they didn't need to continue. It was far enough in advance for them that if they were wrong, they would be long dead. It was far enough in advance that the people around them didn't have to worry but it gave a sense of impending doom which is always useful in controlling the masses.
In the 1950's before computers and such, if the American government decided to make a calendar, they would've planned it far enough in advance that they could plan their future goals and know with precision when they planned on finishing their projects. Whatever random day they decided to stop counting, would we consider it the end of the world? Probably not, the American government, although sneaky and conniving is far from mysterious, unlike the Mayans.
So, as we look at the upcoming 2012, I look at December 22 as the day that comes after the 21st. But there is still a little sense of mystery in it. It will be interesting to see the hype that gets built up over the next 350 days and how the world deals with it.
Those of you in the States, if you are really concerned when you wake up on the 21st, just look on facebook or on here and I'll confirm to you that it passed without any problems since it will already be the 22nd for me.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
44 years
Tomorrow is my parents' anniversary. They have been together 10 years longer than I've been alive and that is amazing to me.
The sum of my world although influenced and impacted from events throughout history is only 34 years. It is virtually impossible for me to fully understand the commitment it must take to accomplish anything at all over a 44 year span. I can fathom it, I can grasp the idea of it, but not having done anything except managing to keep breathing for only 34 years, I cannot completely understand it.
My parents were young when they got married. Mum, I'm sorry, but I'm informing the whole known world (well, the 20 people who actually read this) of your age. My mum was only 20 years 6 months old when she said I do. My dad, 3 years her senior was graduated from university and a fresh made officer in the US army. He was being whisked off to Korea to serve here instead of in Vietnam and my mum wanted to join him, so they married.
What started as a fairly rushed relationship was cemented into a tight bond as they both struggled to survive in a post-civil war Korea. This country, well-developed now, was deep in the grips of poverty. No one knew English but they appreciated the US presence. And my parents had no idea what Korea was like before landing. This culture shock pushed them together to rely on each other and keep each other happy. It helped them discover who they really were and it is because of this that they were able to weather the coming storms.
My dad is a good, solid man. He is upright in his morals, deeply spiritual even if he doesn't strictly conform to standard religion, and honest. However, he is not perfect.
My mum is a beautiful, caring woman. She is deeply empathetic, understanding, patient and also deeply spiritual. Her honesty matches my fathers. However, she also is not perfect.
Growing up in the midwest in a lower class family, my father learned that men work hard for their families. They provide food and shelter for them. Men are the steadfast leaders of the family and they do not show their emotions because it is their place to be the strong ones. Men never hit women, never cheat on their wives, do not allow themselves to succumb to the base vices of alcohol or drugs. He also learned that women are supposed to nurture and care for the family, to cook the food that the men provide, to keep the children healthy and educated. And to listen to her husband for direction.
My mother grew up in a very strict family. She learned that women are supposed to be proper at all times. Appearances are essential and that one may have a problem, but she must never show it. She learned that she must always look up to other people because she will never be able to achieve greatness in herself.
My father's informal education led him to be the man he is today. It allowed him no other options than being a devout husband and father. He never strayed from his family and he never mislead. My mother's homeschooling led her to be a very sensitive and attentive of others. She never once made me feel unloved or even that her love for me ever wavered, even when I hurt her.
However, my dad's upbringing led him to more chauvinistic behavior and my mothers insecurities kept her from understanding her greatness. When I was young, they needed some time apart to help re-focus their love and to work on the issues that were wedging them apart. My dad took my two older brothers and moved to his own place about 10 minutes away. My sister and I stayed with my mother because we were too young and my mother needed us with her. It only took about 3 months for my parents to realize the love they still had for each other and that the issues they had with themselves could be worked out. My father stopped taking my mother for granted and began helping more around the house while my mother started understanding that she lived in no one's shadow.
After my father moved back in, their life together began anew. The father that I grew up with was not the man I described above. He was the man I know now and whom I hope to become. My mother is no longer the insecure child but now acknowledges her importance. The relationship that they have now is one of mutual understanding, respect, and love. I don't often get to see them together, but when I do, the love they have for each other emanates from them in waves that make their house a haven for me. They help each other in all things. My mum still cooks dinner for my dad and has it ready for him when he gets home, but that's because he's been at work and she's been at home. If my mum is busy, my dad doesn't mind making his own dinner and when he doesn't work, he has been known to whip up a batch of his famous spaghetti.
My parents have figured out how to make their relationship work, and not just work but bloom. What started out as a seed hastily planted has taken root and with a few twists has grown into a beautiful shade tree that provides all of us with it's beauty. Their roots are deep and firmly rooted while the kinks of their past have made the outline of their tree a more pleasant sight.
Because my parents have had trouble, worked through it, and grown together more solidly they have shown me and others how to make things work even when it is hard. My parents have been together for 44 years. It couldn't be easy all the time but the hard work has definitely paid off and now they love each other with the fierceness that comes from spending nearly all of their lives together, experiencing the same things and relying and supporting each other through thick and thin.
I do not believe that every marriage should last forever. Having entered into a nuptial contract before, I know that people sometimes make mistakes and really, really stupid decisions. However, some people were meant to be together and my parents are definitely in that category. Mum and Dad, thank you for working through everything. Dad, thank you for showing me what it is to be a good husband. Mum, thank you for showing me what Maya Angelou always tried to write. How a woman can still be nurturing and caring and take care of the family, but still possess her own spirit and power. To the two of you, I am appreciative of providing stability and direction in a world that doesn't always make that easy.
I love you guys, and Happy Anniversary.
The sum of my world although influenced and impacted from events throughout history is only 34 years. It is virtually impossible for me to fully understand the commitment it must take to accomplish anything at all over a 44 year span. I can fathom it, I can grasp the idea of it, but not having done anything except managing to keep breathing for only 34 years, I cannot completely understand it.
My parents were young when they got married. Mum, I'm sorry, but I'm informing the whole known world (well, the 20 people who actually read this) of your age. My mum was only 20 years 6 months old when she said I do. My dad, 3 years her senior was graduated from university and a fresh made officer in the US army. He was being whisked off to Korea to serve here instead of in Vietnam and my mum wanted to join him, so they married.
What started as a fairly rushed relationship was cemented into a tight bond as they both struggled to survive in a post-civil war Korea. This country, well-developed now, was deep in the grips of poverty. No one knew English but they appreciated the US presence. And my parents had no idea what Korea was like before landing. This culture shock pushed them together to rely on each other and keep each other happy. It helped them discover who they really were and it is because of this that they were able to weather the coming storms.
My dad is a good, solid man. He is upright in his morals, deeply spiritual even if he doesn't strictly conform to standard religion, and honest. However, he is not perfect.
My mum is a beautiful, caring woman. She is deeply empathetic, understanding, patient and also deeply spiritual. Her honesty matches my fathers. However, she also is not perfect.
Growing up in the midwest in a lower class family, my father learned that men work hard for their families. They provide food and shelter for them. Men are the steadfast leaders of the family and they do not show their emotions because it is their place to be the strong ones. Men never hit women, never cheat on their wives, do not allow themselves to succumb to the base vices of alcohol or drugs. He also learned that women are supposed to nurture and care for the family, to cook the food that the men provide, to keep the children healthy and educated. And to listen to her husband for direction.
My mother grew up in a very strict family. She learned that women are supposed to be proper at all times. Appearances are essential and that one may have a problem, but she must never show it. She learned that she must always look up to other people because she will never be able to achieve greatness in herself.
My father's informal education led him to be the man he is today. It allowed him no other options than being a devout husband and father. He never strayed from his family and he never mislead. My mother's homeschooling led her to be a very sensitive and attentive of others. She never once made me feel unloved or even that her love for me ever wavered, even when I hurt her.
However, my dad's upbringing led him to more chauvinistic behavior and my mothers insecurities kept her from understanding her greatness. When I was young, they needed some time apart to help re-focus their love and to work on the issues that were wedging them apart. My dad took my two older brothers and moved to his own place about 10 minutes away. My sister and I stayed with my mother because we were too young and my mother needed us with her. It only took about 3 months for my parents to realize the love they still had for each other and that the issues they had with themselves could be worked out. My father stopped taking my mother for granted and began helping more around the house while my mother started understanding that she lived in no one's shadow.
After my father moved back in, their life together began anew. The father that I grew up with was not the man I described above. He was the man I know now and whom I hope to become. My mother is no longer the insecure child but now acknowledges her importance. The relationship that they have now is one of mutual understanding, respect, and love. I don't often get to see them together, but when I do, the love they have for each other emanates from them in waves that make their house a haven for me. They help each other in all things. My mum still cooks dinner for my dad and has it ready for him when he gets home, but that's because he's been at work and she's been at home. If my mum is busy, my dad doesn't mind making his own dinner and when he doesn't work, he has been known to whip up a batch of his famous spaghetti.
My parents have figured out how to make their relationship work, and not just work but bloom. What started out as a seed hastily planted has taken root and with a few twists has grown into a beautiful shade tree that provides all of us with it's beauty. Their roots are deep and firmly rooted while the kinks of their past have made the outline of their tree a more pleasant sight.
Because my parents have had trouble, worked through it, and grown together more solidly they have shown me and others how to make things work even when it is hard. My parents have been together for 44 years. It couldn't be easy all the time but the hard work has definitely paid off and now they love each other with the fierceness that comes from spending nearly all of their lives together, experiencing the same things and relying and supporting each other through thick and thin.
I do not believe that every marriage should last forever. Having entered into a nuptial contract before, I know that people sometimes make mistakes and really, really stupid decisions. However, some people were meant to be together and my parents are definitely in that category. Mum and Dad, thank you for working through everything. Dad, thank you for showing me what it is to be a good husband. Mum, thank you for showing me what Maya Angelou always tried to write. How a woman can still be nurturing and caring and take care of the family, but still possess her own spirit and power. To the two of you, I am appreciative of providing stability and direction in a world that doesn't always make that easy.
I love you guys, and Happy Anniversary.
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